Humor about Phone

Hi! You have reached the headquarters of Laugh it-up. If you wish to speak Harry, please press 1. If you want the Fire Department, press 2. If you need the psyhchic hotline, press3. For the distributor, press 4. If you have no idea who to talk to, just read these jokes.

Phone call
Harry's phone rings at 3 A.M
"What do you want?" He shouts into the receiver.
"Nothing," is the reply.
"Then why are you calling in the middle of the night?" Harry asks angrily.
"Because the night rate is cheaper."

Call the Fire Department

An agitated man calls the fire department and says " Help me, my house is on fire!!"
The Fireman asks, "where do you live?"
The man replies, "I am too distrcted, I can't tell you the exact address."
The fireman says, "How do you expect us to get there?"
The man snaps, "What do you mean 'how'? In the big, red truck, of course!"

Einstein's Chauffeur

When Albert Einstein is making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually finds himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as he is being driven to yet another boring dinner, Einstein mentions to his chauffer ( a man who somewhat resembles Einstein in looks and manner) that he is tired of speech making.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffer says. 'I have heard you give this speech so many times, I will bet I could give it for you.'
Einstein laughs loudly and says, 'why not? Lets do it!'
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein puts on the chauffer's cap and jacket and sits in the back of the room. The chauffer gives a beautiful performance of Einstein's speech and even answers a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely self-important professor asks an extremely complicated question about antimatter formation, stop to talk about something else here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he is nobody's fool.
Without a moment's hesitation, the chauffer fixes the professor with a steely stare and says, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffer, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

hahaha ... :)

Business Trick

Theo Paphitis, an entrepreneur well known for turning failing companies into highly successful and profitable businesses, has a motto: 'There are three reasons to be in business. To make money, to have fun and to make money.' And here are some examples of the fun reason. (Funny Business)

Business Trick
A grocer puts up a sign that reads "eggplants, 25 cent each - three for a dollar."
All day long, costumers come in exclaiming,"Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"
Every time, quietly the grocer concedes and packages four eggplants. The tailor next door has been watching these antics and finally asks the grocer, 'Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?'
"What mistake?" the grocer asks.
'Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than eggplant.'

Funny :)
review of Rapper

Florist Mistake

Theo Paphitis, an entrepreneur well known for turning failing companies into highly successful and profitable businesses, has a motto: 'There are three reasons to be in business. To make money, to have fun and to make money.' And here are some examples of the fun reason. (Funny Business)

Florist Mistake
On opening his new store, a man receives a bouquet of flowers. He becomes dismayed on reading the enclosed card because it expresses "Deepest Sympathy." While puzzling over the message, his telephone rings. It is the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright," says the store owner.
"I'm a businessman and I understand these things can happen."
'But,' adds the florist, 'I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party.'
"Well, what did it say?" asks the store owner.
'Congratulations on your new location,' is the reply.

ha ha .. funny

Bring My Horse back or Else!

A big, burly cowboy had been in the saloon for a long time and decided that it was time, once again to head for the hills. He walked through the swing doors and immediately noticed that his horse had disappeared from the rail.
"OK", he shouted, re-entering the crowded bar, 'I'm gonna have one more drink and if my horse ain't back by then, the same thing will happen here that happened in Texas City.'
With that, several of the cowboys ran out of the saloon and within minutes one had returned to tell him that they'd found his horse for him. As he turned to leave the bartender stopped him,"Execuse me, stranger" he said, 'But what happened in Texas City?'

The cowboy replied: 'I had to walk home!'

ha ha .. Jokes

Chicken Said

Cock-a-doodle-doo
This funny, mmm ... rather embarrassing, story happened when I was in primary school. It was a long time ago. Actually, I have a poor memory, so normally an old story like what I am about to share with you should have been easily forgotten. But not this story. Having lots of brothers makes the embarrassment linger.
Why? because they keep referring to it .. even when we have all grown up now!

Here's the story. Back then I was very smitten with foreign languages, especially English. It was no strange thing for my brothers to see me absorbed in watching TV programs for hours, especially documentaries.
Why, they were mostly in English! (Dubbing was not a common practice back then). One afternoon, my brothers and I watched a documentary about poultry. As the show got to the part when a rooster was crowing, I sat bolt upright on my chair.
"Did you hear that? Chickens in Europe also crow in Indonesian!" I shouted excitedly. My brothers looked bewildered. So I explained to them, "That chicken on TV has just crowed like a chicken in Indonesia, kukuruyuk. I thought it would be doing it in English."

The room exploded with my brothers' laughter.

Read and baca this article

Who are you, Wise Guy?

One afternoon I got ans SMS from an unknown number. It was in excelent English and I only understood about half of it. It mentioned something like that the English course I attended would be closed for two days due to the horrible floods.
It had to be one of my course mates playing a prank on me, I thought. I replied to the message saying,
" Yeah, yeah, so your English's perfect. Anyway, who are you, wise guy?"
Five minute later I got a reply. It said, "I'm sorry I forgot to tell you. It is Peter, your class teacher."
After a few minutes I managed to muster my courage to text him back, "I am sorry, Mr. Peter. I didn't know it was you and I didn't mean to be rude.

I thought my friend was pulling my leg. I am truly sorry"

How embarrassing !

Sorry, Boss

One day, I dropped by at my friend's house. After we talked for about an hour, she went out to buy us lunch. before she left, I borrowed her Nokia cell phone and read her funny SMS. I had never used a Nokia cellphone before and my friend used English as the Language on the cell, a language that I wasn't too good at. I got a bit confused. When she came back, there were about 20 incoming SMSes. Surprised, she read all of them. Most of them were short messages stating how funny the joke was. We were confused. She asked me if I had sent any SMS to her friends. I shrugged and said I really didn't know what I had done with her cellphone. A new short text message came in and my friend was completely shocked. It was from her boss. He wrote: "Not funny, young lady. I am your Boss, remember?"

She contacted him immediately, he was very upset. He said it was impolite to send him such SMS. She asked him what kind of SMS had been sent from her cellphone. he read it to her: "One day, a Lion, a Tiger and a Fox are having a meeting in a jungle. But the meting has been postponed because they have been waiting for the monkey who is reading this SMS".

My friend's face turned red. I was so ashamed. She made me apologize to her boss that very moment on the phone. The following week, when my friend and I attended a book fair, we met her boos. She introduced me to him. The Boss then looked at me and said, "So, this is the queen of the jungle who sent me the SMS. How was the meeting?"

My friend couldn't help laughing. Me? I felt like disappearing.

Uncovered

The sun shone brightly that afternoon so I decided to open the Mikrolet window.
Fresh air blew in and freed me from sweating. The wind was so strong that it could even dry my wet hijab! Some moments later, I felt something fluttering above my head, but I didn't pay attention because I was enjoying the wind too much.
And soon I realized that I was wrong not to try to find out what it was! Within seconds, the wind blew away my hijab that had come loose!

I felt so embarrassed because all the passengers were chuckling!
I went off that mikrolet in no time!

Slippery When Wet

Slippery When Wet (and Meeting Your Crush)

Why do stupid things happen when we least expect them?
We never know; they just happen.
For Example, several weeks ago, I caught sight of my dream guy while was walking down the corridor of my college building. We both knew each other name, but we had never gotten a chance to talk to each other. So, at that moment, I deliberately changed direction to make it look like we would meet coincidently. With my heart beating faster, I prepared to say 'Hi' as Mr. Cool walked towards me.
I was so concerned about how I looked, whether I walked naturally, etc. that I didn't notice that the floor was very wet and slippery! just when I was about to open my mouth, suddenly .....

WHAM !!
I feel down on my butt! I did say something, but not "Hi" but "Yikes ... Ouch ... Ugh...!!"

Humiliated, I stood up again and rushed off with stains on my pants!

The Forgotten Grandmother

This is story about my grandma's clumsy driver, who is called Mas Jo. Mas Jo likes to do everything very fast, so fast that he often trips over things.
One day, my grandma wanted to go to Yogyakarta by train. The train was to leave soon, so she told Mas Jo to hurry. "Quickly put my luggage into the car, and make sure you don't leave anything behind."
Mas Jo, as always, hurried from grandma's room to the car back and forth. After getting everything done, he rushed to the station, and arrived there in not more than 15 minutes. "Here we are, ma'am. With me, there's no way you are going to be late! Now, let me help you with luggage," Mas Jo said confidently.

But his offer met with no answer. "Ma'am? Ma'am ? Where are you?" Oh .. No! He didn't forget to bring even the smallest piece of luggage, yet forgot to bring my grandmother herself ! ;-)

The Wrong Guy at The Wrong Place

My sister, her friend, my boyfriend and I were window shopping on a typical hot and crowded Saturday afternoon in Kota Pelajar, Jogjakarta. The street was packed with people on both side. Even cars were having a hard time passing through. Knowing that it would be hard for the four of us to walk side by side, we walked in pairs. I was leading the group alongside my boyfriend with me sister and her friend tagging along behind us. Suddenly, my sister nudged me, saying that there were cute necklaces being sold at a necklace vendor.

I turned around and said, " Yeah, but maybe next time." I turned back and held my boyfriend by his arm ... only to find that is wasn't him! It was a man with a build and shirt similar to my boyfriend's ! He stared at me, probably wondering why this strange girl was holding his arm. I stopped and stammered, " I am sorry, I am sorry." and quickly walked away as my sister, her friend, and my boyfriend were giggling at me.

What an embarrassing moment !

is it a Boy or Girl ?

Sunday, June 25th was the most embarrassing but also the funniest day for me. That day DS was celebrating its 44th anniversary by organizing many contest at Dufan. Four of my friends and I joined the Video Jockey contest. Two Girls from different place became the VJ's, while two other boys and I from my place became the guest stars, Destiny's Child. As Destiny's Child we had to impersonate girls, and of course we were dressed like girl. I was shocked to find that our senior wanted to put make up on us. I tried to hide but of course it was useless. To make it worse, there were some people in monkey suits teasing me.
Then the time came for us to get on the stage.

When the VJ's called us, we ran onto the stage and said hello to the audience. I felt so nervous. The audience hysterically laughed at us. Oh, GOD .... it was the most embarrassing moment. Unlike my two friends who enjoyed their roles, I was speechless. Since that day, I swear I will never want to act as a girl anymore.

But I was happy ... not because my senior said that I looked beautiful, but because we won the 1st Prize !!!

MAKE-UP expert

Make up expert

It was evening and there was a blown fuse at my house. It would take some time for my young bro to fix it. Meanwhile, I needed to go to the nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. So, in the semi darkness of my bedroom (some light came through the window from the street lamp across the street), I put on some lipstick, accentuated my eyebrows, and powdered my nose. I then set out looked forward to browsing among the goodies. In the store, as I was taking my time examining various items, I couldn't help noticing a number of costumers looking at me in an odd way.

Confident that it was my good looks that attracted these glances, I finally arrived at the check-out counter. Again, several people stared at me, including the cashier, but this time I got the feeling they weren't exactly admiring me. In fact, the cashier seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face. So, after I had paid for my purchases, I stepped aside and took out a small mirror from my bag. In the bright lights of the supermarket, I saw that my eyebrows were heavily penciled in bright red. Obviously, in the dark I had mistaken my lip liner for the eyebrow pencil !

Blushing with shame, I literally ran home.

RIDING MOTORCYCLE

Looks Guys, I'm riding, oops! I mean pushing, my Motorcycle

I was so excited when I could finally ride a motorcycle. Well, I was not very skillful yet, but a trip around the neighborhood shouldn't be the hard, right ? So, one lovely afternoon, I decided to take a ride. There was a basketball court near my house where all the hottest hunks of the town usually hung out. Wow, what a golden opportunity for me to show off my riding skills to them ! Without further ado, I pushed my motorcycle to full speed. just when I passed the basketball court,

the engine suddenly went off ! I tried again and again to start it, but it didn't work! All the boy were looking at me, wondering what that silly Girl was trying to do. Oh, I was so embarrassed ! Confused and in despair, I finally pushed my motorcycle all the way home .... Yeah, I did get their attention, but not the kind I'd wanted at all!

Blushing,joke and anekdot

Adopting a Baby

An American couple is delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby comes to an end. The adoption center calls and tell them that they have a wonderful Russian Baby boy, and the couple takes him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stop by the local college to enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk asks,
" Whatever possessed you to study Russian ?"
The couple proudly say, "We have just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

:-)jokes in family

New Family Driver

martin has just received his brand new driver's license. The Family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I am going to sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you have been doing to me all these years."

:) :) This Anekdot

Having a First Child

Another Joke about it happens in the Family

Djoni and his wife are making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.
After everything checked out, the doctor takes a small stamp and stamps the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple is curios about what the stamp is for, so when they get home, the husband gets out his magnifying glass to try to see what it is.
in very tiny letters, the stamp says, "When you can read this without a magnifying glass, come back and see me."
:-) :-)

Jokes in Family

It happens in the Family

What does a child means to its family ? probably it's their most precious possession. Stories about a family with child may effect you in many ways. Sometimes thay make you sad, or angry, but sometimes they also make you Laugh. You will Love the following tales.

Woman is on a Bus
A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.
The Bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

Angrily, the woman slams her fare into the fare box and takes an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her senses that she is agitated and asks her what is wrong.
"The Bus driver insulted me," she fumes.
The man sympathizes and says, " Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
" You are right," She says. " I think I will go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's the good idea." the man syas.
" Here, let me hold your MONKEY "
:-) :)

Anekdot , Joke about Flight

SHARK REPELENT

Flight 50 has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom : "Ladies and gentleman, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water."

"Oh, stewardess! Are there any sharks in the Ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified.
"Yes, I am afraid there are some. but not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just the gel onto your arms and legs."
"And if I do this, the Sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady.
"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much."
:) :)